Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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