i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
