My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
