i just google imaged poop.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
