I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
