Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
