I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
