i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
