So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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