we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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