I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
