i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
