perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
