you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
