So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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