forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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