people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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