Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
