atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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