I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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