Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
