just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
