At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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