So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
