how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
