i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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