I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
