I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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