Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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