I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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