I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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