New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
