I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
