Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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