physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
