Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
