i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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