Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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