FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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