well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
