She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
false alarm. still invincible.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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