C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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