im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
