how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
