bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
