I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
