please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
should my penis look like a turkey
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
