but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
