I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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