apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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