so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
