I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
