Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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