If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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