What did we do last night that was yellow?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
