guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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