yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
