And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
