sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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