Your tits are I can't wait for
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
