New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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