Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
