i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
