I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Randomize
