During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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